Here I am Lord, Send me!

I am someone who values order, a trait that has become integral to my identity. While my early childhood is somewhat hazy, filled with fragmented memories and intense emotions, I have cultivated a sense of structure and organization as I grew older. This journey towards greater structure has not been without its challenges, especially as I used to work closely with abused children in my early years as a missionary in Guatemala. In this environment, I began to reflect on my own experiences and realized that my need for order might have stemmed from the chaos of abuse, though not in the traditional sense of being a victim. I was fortunate never to have experienced external abuse; instead, I was my own worst enemy, inflicting emotional and physical harm upon myself.

During my teen and young adult years, my mind was a battleground where countless lies and negative thoughts took hold. These deceptive narratives convinced me I was too fat, too dark, and unloved. Each of these thoughts became a brick in the wall of self-doubt I constructed around myself, cutting me off from the world and the chance for genuine connection. The relentless echo of these lies was often overwhelming, creating a distorted self-image that I had struggled to tear down.

In my solitary moments, I often turned to God, not for comfort or solace, but much like one might rely on an imaginary friend during lonely times. My conversations weren't filled with prayers for guidance or support; instead, they resembled the musings of someone seeking companionship in a world lacking human connection. I would share my thoughts and feelings, hoping for some form of acknowledgment or understanding. Did it help? The answer is complex. While I sought solace in these exchanges, they often left me feeling just as empty and unfulfilled as before. The silence that followed my pleas only reinforced the belief that I was truly alone, deepening my sense of isolation.

Later in life, I discovered Jesus, and everything changed dramatically. This discovery developed into a transformative relationship that redefined my life, touching my innermost being. As I embraced this new chapter, I found a long-sought after peace. Each prayer felt like a conversation with a close friend, and reflection brought clarity. The teachings of Jesus illuminated my path during uncertain times, offering comfort and encouragement. Through this relationship, I learned to embrace forgiveness for myself and others, lifting burdens I had carried. I began to value love and compassion in my interactions and self-perception. Despite challenges and doubts, I felt His presence reminding me I was never alone. This transformation affected every aspect of my life—from relationships on my job and subsequently in ministry. I became more empathetic and grateful, finding joy in simple moments. Ultimately, my relationship with Jesus became the cornerstone of my identity, shaping my values and guiding my decisions. It opened my eyes to the beauty of faith and the power of love, forever altering the direction of my life.

When Jesus became everything to me, my life truly started. I found my self-esteem in HIM.

In my youth, I recall walking down a street, crying and trembling because I felt as though people were watching me. I was extremely shy. After accepting Jesus, I traveled the world serving Him, sometimes on my own, yet always accompanied by His Spirit.

Lead Me, Guide Me,

Along the Way!

I relied on God to meet all my needs, requiring only my faithfulness. How ?

I naturally tended to be obedient, largely out of fear of letting my parents down. In Christ, this innate obedience transformed into a desire to please my cherished Savior, to know Him, to spend time with Him, to listen to His voice, and to sense His loving presence in the night breezes, for He is my everything.

When I heard Jesus speak to my heart, saying, "I am going to take you to the world," I responded, "Who, me, Lord?" That wasn't part of my plan! Yet, because I loved Him more than anything, I obediently said, "Yes."

I sought guidance from people on how to accomplish this, but nothing came of their advise. Jesus directed me to a conference where I heard the word of God, which filled my heart with joy in His presence. I left behind everything I was familiar with and joined a new church. Some might say I was out of my comfort zone, but it didn't feel that way because Jesus was with me, and I felt at home.

Patiently Waiting: My

Soul Waits for You!

For 18 years, I listened to Jesus' voice, read His word, and found joy in His presence. Did I feel restless at times? A little, but His passion for missions became mine. I traveled on short-term missions to Guatemala, a reservation in Bemidji, MN, communist China, and Mexico, serving the Lord. WHEN would I go full-time? WHERE would I go full-time? I didn't know. I trusted that He knew and that one day He would reveal it to me.

Some critics questioned, "Why is she traveling to all these places on short-term mission trips?" "Why is she attending a church an hour away from her home?" "What is she searching for?"

I had found Him whom my heart loved. My eyes were like dove's eyes, focused solely on Him! I relied on Him for everything, and my Jesus never failed me!

Written ffrom Chiquimula, Chiquimula, Guatemala November 2025. I am still serving the Lord after 30 years at the age of 78!

www.mcyep.org

Personal Photo Myra with friends in Colonial Maestro, Chiquimula, Guatemala 2025